H. L. Mencken Quotes - KeepQuoting

H. L. Mencken

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Famous Quotes of H. L. Mencken

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There is a saying in Baltimore that crabs may be prepared in fifty ways and that all of them are good.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

   Good
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In the duel of sex woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

   Woman
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Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

   Man
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Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

   Marriage
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What men value in this world is not rights but privileges.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

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Every man is his own hell.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

   Man
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Judge: a law student who marks his own examination-papers.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

   Law
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No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

   Woman
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A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

   Teacher
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Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

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Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

   Progress
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A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

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Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

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Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

   History
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Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

   Wife
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Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

   Love
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A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

   Good
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Time stays, we go.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

   Time
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If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

   Trust
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I write in order to attain that feeling of tension relieved and function achieved which a cow enjoys on giving milk.

H. L. Mencken

H. L. Mencken

   Giving